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Nita’s Syndrome, more than a year in Israel.

Nita’s Syndrome, more than a year in Israel.

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They say that I have become Israeli, but my roots will stay Spanish forever. 

I survived to the annoying curiosity of the Israelis. I have learned Hebrew. I tried to understand the Jewish humor, or even to enjoy the religious celebrations (as a tradition nor religion, of course). I stood their disastrous driving (they don’t know what are the purpose of blinkers, perhaps they believe are decorative, either how to get in a round about).

I understood that time in Israel is nothing to do with the concept of time in the rest of the world (in a country where trains MOSTLY are not on time it defines itself; ah! And they don’t give you back the money each time that it delays, making it completely unreliable, it has WiFi at least).

Complaining is another national sport in the Holy Land. Complaining about EVERYTHING – from which I am exhausted! I can’t help it, I have to share the opinion that they are probably the worst customers in the world.

Still, I love them because their honesty and straightforward way. As much amount of complains as complements you can hear, They try to balance it.

However, not everybody manages or fits with this social framework.

Part of the friends I made in Israel are foreigners. The ones that are Jewish find Israel like their second home, but the ones that are not Jewish have found themselves realizing that is not for them: “It’s official. Leaving Tel Aviv. Beach life, sun and Mediterranean lifestyle doesn’t do it for me. At all.”(Ida, from Sweden)

“I didn’t feel good in Israel for a long time, I was unhappy” (Luisa, from Germany)

“If I would not have children, I would not be here. I don’t get Israelis lifestyle” (Lili, from Spain).

Despite of the down sides, actually you will find them anywhere, at the moment I am happy in the middle east.

Regarding the endless curiosity of Israelis, there is a repetitive question:

“How long are you gonna stay here? Or Are you gonna stay forever in Israel?”

To which I have been answering:

“When are you planning to die?”

I am aware of the fact that sounds like a hard answer, yet this is truly what I think.

I do not have the perspective of life according to yours, if you are the one asking me. I am not a great planner, so I don’t have an answer.

I do not know where I am going to be tomorrow, how do you expect me to know If I want to live forever in Israel?

Though I would not reject the possibility to live “forever” if that would be possible :p

Christmas time finished not long ago and besides the fact that my sister was with me during Christmas day, I didn’t feel at all this beautiful energy that Christmas brings with just pronouncing the word.

What I find funny is that I used to hate Christmas, all the connotation I could find were dark and negative. Presents? Consumption. Family? Broken. Kindness? Fake. Religion? This is the only concept that did not change with the time: Opium.

After so many years far from home, Holy Shit, I love Christmas!!!!! Yes, I admit it without getting embarrassed.

Personally, what I found missing the most is my grandmother and her unconditional love.

If i have to identify myself with someone of my family, would not be my dad or my mum, of course I have features similar to them, but when I see my grandmother without any doubt I kind of see myself in her.

She is already more than 80 years old and is one of the most vigorous persons I have ever met (I think she still even drives. I am agree, kind of dangerous).

She has and adventurous spirit, therefore traveling is one of her big influences on me; we traveled around the world since I was born and she promoted to all the family to do it as a tradition, and how important is to observe and learn from other cultures.

She would accept anything if it comes from me or my ideas, she would accept anyone I would bring with me and would love him/her just because I chose it. She would talk about me as I am the only star in the universe.

Passion, ability of giving endless love, vulnerability, irascible, tender, sensitive, smart, stubborn (and so on) are some of the adjectives that define a woman that has and will have a unique place in my soul.

She always thought I would become a journalist due to my writing skills; after studying a degree in business, marketing and those things, my life was headed through another path and different goals completely different from who I am today. Nevertheless, she was not surprised when I announced I was determined to be a writer, she simply cried and said: I believe in you, I knew this day would arrive and I am happy I am still alive to read your lines. 

I am sure she misses me at least twice as much as I miss her.

Furthermore, these words are straight to “fulfill your heart, shake your sincere and risky mouth, and to make sure that your crystallized eyes will never forget my image, because I am like you thanks to you”.

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And a meaningless detail I like is that she is called like my other big love, my sister & light: Rosa o Rosita.

 

{It is likely that most of the people will stop reading that article in the middle, or even at the beginning because it talks about me and my thoughts, but honestly I don’t care, I decided that I write for myself}

 

All this nostalgia made me think about the Ulysses Syndrome due to different reasons.

The first one is obvious. As an immigrant the homesickness, stress, feeling of being lost, or frustration, for instance, because the boundaries on the communication level or not finding a job where you can show and develop your knowledge and skills, are an easy spot to get stock or even just to fall from time to time hopelesness.

On the other hand, in terms of philosophy and literature, Ulysses is a figure who has an exciting life full of adventures and danger, which fits perfectly with my personality; despite of giving up the stability of a more ordinary life, gladly I chose it and face its consequences and risks.

Moreover, there is another connotation: the Ulysses complex.

The Ulysses “complex” refers to a person, whether man or woman, that having an affective bond with another, in general terms is the socially recognized relationship, has another affective relation with a second person more or less secret, but always rejecting to commit to the second person, as much as will want or wait, that is, “as Ulysses” never gets to leave the first relationship, “his Penelope”

In other words, this syndrome refers to a person that being committed to someone, defining that person consciously or unconsciously as his/her real love, has the need to share his/her life with a second, or more, men or women.

A light pops up and is written in: Unloyalty, cheater, betrayal, etc. In fact, is much more complex than those words, and there are people that require psychological treatment.

This term can be mixed or mistaken with Free Love, or Open Relationship.

On the contrary, we should not confuse those people with the ones that have an OPEN relationship, where two people decide together to carry on settling their own rules and norms, with honesty and transparency as a basis.

The difference lies in the simple fact that when you have this “complex” you carry out your actions without rules, limits or directions, and not necessarily with honesty. However, in an open relationship you determined the norms you want to follow, and the maturity is a key piece in order to enjoy without guilt, neither to hide this kind of love.

As a conclusion of all those thoughts, I want to add that I might not be the most tolerant people in the world (though I work on changing all the time), but either is easy to talk about your life when you do not follow the parameters of society, in any topic.

 FREE LOVE it has a bad reputation, and when you mention it (not necessarily because you follow that life style) people look at you like you are crazy, dirty, unstable or a child, the irony resides in order to reach that state of mind to have a healthy Free Love, you need to be mature, secure, loyal to yours and your couple’s principles and most of the time you want that in a stable relationship. Which is not contradictory, in any case corresponding.

Conversing about it does not mean you have to agree and change towards that style of life, but it would be nice to listen, open your mind and see all the colors not just the usual ones.

 

Reminding to myself that even my grandmother, Rosita, would respect this perspective and lifestyle, it makes me believe that still  a place for HOPE and TOLERANCE is possible.

 

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The secret lies in maintaining playfully the tiller among the curve waves of madness, and the straight line of logic..”

Salvador Dalí i Domenech.

 

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10 Comments
  • Nestor Portnoy
    Posted at 22:01h, 03 noviembre

    Me gusto mucho el video de yoga en parejas!
    Me causa gracia tu comentario sobre los israelies :))
    Que sigas disfrutando de la vida!
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  • Lorena
    Posted at 12:12h, 11 julio

    Beautifully written and I can relate to you on your grand ma and sister relationship, they are both too, my world.

  • Lau
    Posted at 16:26h, 13 enero

    I don’t know what happened to my ipad or keypad… typing double consonants on its own! I hope it’s still understandable!!

  • Lau
    Posted at 16:22h, 13 enero

    I diddn’t know about yyour treasure….yyour ggrand–ma”…sshe looks sso young inside!!! II’m happy to hear you have had such a great model and guide in your life 🙂
    AAs for the Ulysses Complex…iit might be tough to cope with it during a life-time, frustrating I guess as these persons are probably never satisfied 100% with their relationships. It reminds me of vampires, their whole life looking for satisfy their endless need of blood, I trully feel for them. However at the end…noone escapes neither from death nor from a certain insanity, every one in our personal way…
    Welcome to homesick feeling, we always want what we can’t have, as selfish beings and bonded with what we have learnt and’ve seen since our childhood. I wish I was a dog to live exclusively in the present moment

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